Yeah, so I thought I should introduce myself; what's left of me anyway. See, I'm a frickin Zombie; and not in the metaphorical sense either. Don't make me laugh or you might just get splattered with entrails. Being a zombie isn't such a big deal; it's just like being a politician, only with more cognitive skills. I got this way from gettin' into a rigged poker game was some crazy Haitian. He didn't like the fact that I won; since I was playing three aces and he had only put two in the deck. So the son of a bitch put a hex on me. He blew some of that zombie powder in my face, cracked me over the head with a spade, and buried me in the woods. I can tell ya, waking up to find that worms have build a condo where your left nipple used to be, is no picnic.
There I was, dead, rotting, and prime real estate for upwardly mobile rats; but things were about to get much worse. No sooner had I dragged my sorry ass out of that shallow grave when it hit me; this hunger so overwhelming that it almost drove me insane. It's not what you think though, I wasn't cravin' for human brains, flesh, or even blood. What I needed was a computer, an Internet connection, and a outlet to the world of the living. I had this insatiable desire to write, and write I did. Nobody ever suspected that I was a shambling bag of bones and pus; but if who've ever actually looked at the profile picture of the average Blogger, that should be no great surprise.
Now, I get to spend eternity sharing my thoughts with all you brain dead morons; so you better listen good, because the Morbid Zombie is here, and I've got a lot to say.
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