Parents Shouting at Their Kids

It's something we all do, or at least see, almost every day - parents shouting at their kids.  The thing is though, parents rarely shout at their kids when in company.  Instead, they employ a number of bizarre methods to convey their parental outrage, that when you think about it, are all utterly hilarious.

The Deadly Daggers
This is when you physically try to thrust your eyes out as though they are on extendable stalks; and then, as if that wasn't enough, you try to communicate to the offending child in some sort of twitchy Morse code.  Your eyes dart from the child to the nearest agreeable safe zone in a vain effort to call them to heel; only to confuse and frustrate them into an inevitably epic tantrum.

The Crazy Mime
OK, so we are now mid tantrum, and you, the embarrassed parent, needs to reassert your authority, post haste.  There is only one thing to do; scream at the misbehaving child without making a sound.  Surely it can't fail?  Except, that to everyone else, you end up coming off like you are reenacting a scene from an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie; only with the sound turned down.  Not a great look.

The Downward Point
Pointing towards you feet, combined with one or both of the first two steps, is a sure way to curb your child's intolerable behaviour.  Isn't it?  Funnily enough; no, it isn't.  The child will go on about their business, without a care in the world, while you show everybody in the room why you got turned down for the leading role in the off Broadway production of Saturday Night Fever.

The Heavy Sigh
Now that you have blatantly made a complete moron out of yourself; and with absolutely no quarter given by the child, it is time to resort to more subtle tactics.  By sighing heavily, you are telling the child that you will not put up with any more of their antics; but at the same time do not wish to make a scene in front of your friends.  Children are a lot better at subtlety than you may think, and will choose to ignore your signal.  On the plus side; as your frustration mounts, everyone will assume you are asthmatic and you will never go without a seat.

The Broken Record
It's come to that point - you have to use actual words.  By this stage you are incapable of constructing even the most rudimentary of sentences; so what's left?  How about repeating the child's name, over and over again, through gritted teeth, in an ever ascending crescendo?  That's bound to stop the little devil child in their tracks.  If not, it will at least provide significant room, as everyone else within a hundred mile radius gets off side, for your head to explode.
No matter what you do though, be careful; the end result is, you will end up looking like this: